one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
