The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
