There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
