There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
