You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
