ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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