Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
