Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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