I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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