You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
