Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
