the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
