drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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