Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
