What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
