we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
