I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
