Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
