her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
