I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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