Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
