I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
