I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize