Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
