I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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