I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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