She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
