Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
