LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
