She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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