question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
