I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
