He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Who died my cat blue again?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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