everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
