why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
