Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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