he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
