wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
