discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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