dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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