you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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