Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
