My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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