ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
