it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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