We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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