im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
