I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
