i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
