shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
