There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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