you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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