Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
