I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
