I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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