thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
