I'm gonna have a badass scar
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
