I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
