he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't put those talents on a resume
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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