i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
