so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
