Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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