They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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