twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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